13. Will I ever get over what happened to me?
I hope it doesn’t frustrate you when I return one of your good questions with another question of mine. Truth is good questions are usually answered best by the people who ask them. At times, we just need help finding the right questions that more specifically address our anxieties.
So here I go again: What would “getting over” look like? This is grief work. Does a person ever “get over” losing a dear loved one? Of course not. We don’t get over losing our old belief systems either. It’s painful to lose them, especially when those systems seemed to have made life so much simpler by providing pat answers to hard questions so many people don’t even believe anyone should ever need to raise..... until unexpected tragedy really strikes, that is. Only when we take those old protective blinders off, do we find ourselves challenged to grow beyond our old belief system.
If “getting over” means “getting back” everything you’ve lost, maybe you need to re-think your original question. I wish the search for answers could be simpler. Problem is that simplicity is always shallow. Don’t be afraid to dig deep and question yourself and others, even as you stop to find the wonderful things that reside in you and others, all at the same time!
So if you are asking how you can grow past what has happened, then you are on the right track.
I urge you to get out of the medical model that speaks of "healing" and "wounds." They are good words and relevant, yes. However, it's only a small step from those words into the world of "chronic illness" or "pathology." What if you start seeing yourself as healthy instead, healthy and moving toward a greater health. For all of us have a lot of health if we look for it. Try starting with the glass half full and start from there, emphasizing our positive traits and utilizing them to develop others.
Dee Ann Miller is the
author of Enlarging Boston's Spotlight: A Call for Courage, Integrity, and Institutional Transformation (2017) How Little We Knew: Collusion and Confusion with Sexual Misconduct (1993)
The Truth about Malarkey (2000)
Dee Ann Miller is the author of Enlarging Boston's Spotlight: A Call for Courage, Integrity, and Institutional Transformation (2017) How Little We Knew: Collusion and Confusion with Sexual Misconduct (1993) and The Truth about Malarkey (2000)