Frequently Asked Questions

 

1. How can I best be of support to my loved one?

First, learn all you can about abuse and collusion with it. This isn’t something that can be accomplished in a quick trip to the library. It will take many months of being alert to stories, being willing to discuss them with authorities who understand the issues, discounting much of what you hear because you are willing to listen through the eyes of your loved one as your empathy grows.

Plan on being there for the long haul. It will be a journey of years if not decades. If you are going to be supportive, you must own your own feelings without indiscriminately revealing those that may be hurtful.

Life will feel like a tightrope walk at times. You’ll need to get some professional help to deal with your own grief. And if you think you don’t have grief, you definitely need help.

The worst response of all, however, is silence or passivity. It’s better to say the “wrong” thing or do the “wrong” thing (“wrong” being something that causes an uncomfortable reaction) than to act as if there is no problem at all.

Please obtain a small library yourself. If it’s collusion that you and your friend or family have experienced, start with Carolyn Hegdon’s Sexual Abuse in Christian Homes and Churches along with the books you find on this site and "Just for the Brave" and Other Writings. Check out the extensive bibliography on sexual misconduct if that’s the issue.